Understand how your children feel when you use different methods of communication by putting yourself in their shoes.
Look at all the feelings and thoughts you have written down in response to each method of communication. They are likely negative feelings of worthlessness, anger, hurt, disappointment, rebellion, etc. If you, as an adult, experience those feelings just from reading some words on a page, what must children feel?
Now that you understand how your children feel when you use these methods of communication, you can begin to change how you speak to your children.