Chapter 15: How to Handle Resistance and Solve Problems

The best soldier does not attack. The superior fighter succeeds without violence. The greatest conqueror wins without a struggle. The most successful manager leads without dictating. This is called intelligent non-aggressiveness. This is called mastery of men.” —Lao-Tsu, Tao Teh King

To communicate effectively, we need flexibility. Each person is different, so the way we talk to one person can be perfect but the same strategy won’t work with another person. That is why we should constantly adapt our verbal and nonverbal behavior.

When we communicate, we cannot resist. It is much better to find points of agreement instead of opposing someone’s views and then redirecting communication. Also, when we talk we should avoid certain words and phrases that create resistance and problems such as, “certainly,” “undoubtedly,” etc. It is much better to use “and” instead of “but.” Using “but” can indicate that what was said before is irrelevant.

Very often our behavior is defined by patterns. We are depressed, unhappy, or have unhealthy habits or addictions. It seems to us that it is very hard to stop the negative behaviors or feelings. The truth is that it is very easy. Through conscious and consistent awareness, we can break unwanted patterns right away.

Actions to take